so I thought I would write my account of my miscarriage to help anyone
searching for information or what to expect when you are told it’s a threatened
miscarriage as I know I searched and although I found lots of clinical and
factual information I found very little personal stories and accounts to help
me during an uncertain time so here is my story. If you are reading this and
going through a miscarriage then I’m so sorry. This is something truly
horrible.
On Saturday 22nd August I started bleeding. I was 8 Weeks pregnant. We were out and it was just
spotting and I felt fine so I wasn’t worried. I popped in a sanitary liner and
carried on. On Sunday morning I woke and felt like a bus had hit me. My body
ached. I had period pains and I felt weak like I had the flu. I went to the
toilet and the bleeding had gotten heavier to a light flow but it was bright
red. I took some paracetamol and tried not to do too much that day. The hubby
looked after our 7 month old baby most of the day. At around midday the
bleeding continued so I called the maternity unit at Frimley Park Hospital. I
was advised to call my GP. I called the GP, but as it was a Sunday I didn’t
know if they had an emergency doctor on call. Well they didn’t and the answer
phone message told me to call the NHS direct service which I did. The adviser
told me that it sounded like a threatened miscarriage but as I hasn’t passed
any clots and wasn’t in too much pain then it was just threatened and told me
to rest and booked me in to see an emergency out of hours doctor that evening.
Sitting in the waiting room at the doctors was hell. I felt like I could
almost feel the blood trickle out of me and I just didn’t know what to do or
expect or how to feel. It didn’t help that the first thing the doctor said to
me was "I’m not sure why they have booked you in to see me as there is
nothing I can do". My heart broke then and I felt lost and it took all my
effort not to cry. I explained to the doctor that I had my booking in
appointment with the midwife in 2 days’ time and after feeling my stomach he
advised me to wait until Tuesday to see my midwife and she will book in an
early scan for me and in the meantime just to take paracetamol.
I can tell you that the next 4 days were the worst. The following 2 days
were terrible. The bleeding stayed consistently light to moderate and I didn’t
pass any clots but the period pains got worse. I felt so out of my depth and didn’t
know whether to hope or not. As I walked into my booking appointment I just
broke down at the smile on my midwife's face as she greeted me. It was the same
midwife who was my midwife with my first baby and we had a really good
relationship.
She requested an early scan there and then and they told her on the phone it
was booked in for 2 day’s time. She did a pregnancy test and it was still
positive and as I hadn’t passed any clots or soaked a pad she continued with the
booking in and took all my details. She calmed me and explained the bleeding didn’t
always mean a miscarriage and that it could be a number of things like a twin
dying, my body stretching or just early unknown bleeding. I got my hopes up and
I left the appointment feeling more positive then when I went in, but as the
next 2 days passed and my hopes got desperate. I wanted it to be ok so bad and I
felt guilty for not taking better care of my body and stopping exercising or
not stopping myself having runny eggs that one time or the odd latte. The
bleeding got heavier and I passed 2 small clots about the size of my little
fingernail.
At the early scan I was grateful that the hospital didn’t make me wait in
the main waiting room with all the pregnant ladies, but brought me round to a
side waiting room. I was seen pretty much the moment I got in there and they explained
they would prefer to do an internal scan rather than the one on top of my stomach.
The scan seemed to last ages and I had asked my hubby to watch the monitor and
if he saw anything that looked like a heartbeat to let me know instantly. When
the room was silent and my hubby just kept glancing at me I knew it was going
to be bad news. The sonographer explained that she couldn’t see anything that
looked like a sac or a baby and that I was to wait in the next room where
someone would come and talk to me.
The woman that arrived asked for a urine sample to do a pregnancy test and
when that came back positive she explained that she would need to take blood
samples that day and then again in another 2 day’s time. If the levels doubled I
was pregnant, if they rose a little it was a sign of an ectopic pregnancy, but
if they dropped then it would be a confirmed miscarriage. She gave me a few
leaflets and asked if I had any questions. I had loads, but I didn’t feel able
to ask them. It felt too cold and clinical and rushed if I am to be honest and
as much as I love our NHS system I felt a little like it was a conveyor belt
and that my feelings were last on the list to bother about. She gave me a blood
form for 2 days’ time and told me where to go to have my bloods done that day.
Still at this point I felt uncertain. There still could be hope that it was
not a confirmed miscarriage as crazy as that sounds. No one was being upfront
with me and everything seemed wishy washy - all maybes and usually and nothing
100% certain. At home I just felt on hold. I was hurting and so sad, but I couldn’t
tell anyone whether it was a confirmed miscarriage or not. It was 4 days later
after I had my second round of bloods done that I could call the early
pregnancy unit and have the blood results. The HCG had dropped and it was a
confirmed miscarriage. I felt heartbroken, but strangely relieved that I
finally had an answer to practically 2 weeks of uncertainty. At least at this
point I could grieve.
I am still grieving and I have created a memory box for baby no2. It
contains my pregnancy tests, booking in forms and the leaflets I received from
the hospital as well as a letter I wrote to the baby. It has helped immensely. I
am grateful to have had my hubby in this whole process. Although sometimes he hasn’t
known what to say he has always held my hand and cuddled me when I have needed
it and I know it has hit him as hard at it did me.
Of all the research I did I have found out myself that you don’t always pass
an obvious clot that is your baby. The pain for me wasn’t unbearable but
manageable. I didn’t bleed extremely heavy. I bled for 5days. The pregnancy
symptoms didn’t disappear until I started bleeding.
So that’s my story. Writing this has been a therapy and has helped and I
hope it helps you if you are going through this process. I can only offer
virtual hugs and my thoughts are with you. Should you need to speak to someone
then please do message me and I will help any way I can.
No comments:
Post a Comment